The Horrors and Woes
of Niraya Hell

Evam me Sutam
The way I hear tell
Once upon a time
Savatthi-town
Jeta Grove
Anāthapiṇḍika Park
The Great Master came-a revisit'n.

And then one time there he said:

"It's no easy thing,
Beggars,
to describe
the horrors
and
woes
of Niraya
so many
are
the horrors
and
woes
of
Niraya."

And then he fell silent.

So then, a' course, this Beggar
pipes up

"But is it possible to make a simile for
the horrors
and
woes
of
Niraya?"

It is
possible,
beggar,
pay attention
give ear
I will speak!

Imagine,
beggars,
a
beggar,
in
the
grip
of the
guards
of
Niraya

As they
drag
him
off
unwilling
twisting
and turning
the body
this way
and
that
to
Niraya

First
they
tenderize him up
a bit ...
they give him
the panca
vidha
bandhana
the 5^th
dimension
piinanyinniinim.

(Pāḷi English Dictionary: The five-Fold Pinion

Vaddhana

Exaggeration intensification
arrangement
preparation
a bowl fragment
a garment (of sorts) > becomes Bandhana

bound up
downbound
arrange
join
handle
piece together
strap
give the Panca-Vidha-Bandhana

They drive
red hot
iron spikes
thru both
them greedy
hans

An they
drive
red hot
iron spikes
through both
tween legs

And they drive
a red hot iron
spike right on
through his
circumcentrum
focusa locusa
(that's 'es central part —
the heart
of 'es
citi)
right through
the maj-j-hima.

And at that
he experiences
painful
sensations.

Intensely
painful
sensations.

Acutely
intense
painful
sensations.

But they do not
say he's
served his time
(kalan-karoti — do'n time)
until
he's finished up
his
evil
downbound
deeds.

O O O
the horrors
and woes
a dukkha
they gotta
inni
Niraya

And then
the
guards
of
Niraya
hell
lay
that beggar
flat

on

his
back'n
hue'im
up straight
all four
sides
withey
adze

And then
they
hang
him
up
bound up
up-end
down
and
smooth
out
the rough
spots
withey
razor

And then
they hitch
him up
to a
chariot
and
drive
him
this way
and
that
inthaptit
a
smoldering
charcoal
neither flaming
nor smoking.

And then
they push 'im
-n- pull 'im
up an
down
them slopes
a
ash
-n-
cinder
burning
blazing
in flames

And at that
he experiences
painful
sensations

Intensely
painful
sensations

Acutely
intense
painful
sensations

But not yet
do they say
"He's served
his time"
for ...
not yet
has he
cleaned
up
his evil
downbound
act

O O O
the horroso
sorroso
dukkha
they gotta
inniniraya.

And then
the
guards
of
Niraya
hell
take
that
beggar
and
toss
him
into
red hot
boiling
iron
cauldron
#1

Pathavi Apo Tejo Vayo
fire burn and cauldron bubble
At 212° Fahrenheit
100° Celsius
(up here at sea level).

The hand drawn edition has ... "with:

Cloves (dried flower bud of caryophyllos Aromaticus)
Cinnamon stick (bark of cinnamomum zeylanicum)
Salt (old English: sealt; old Teutonic: salto; Greek gives Greek; Latin, sal; sodium chloride NaCl)
Mustard seed (for those who measure faith: Greek name; brassica nigra)
Fenugreek seed (trigonella faenum graecum)
Cumin seed (cumin cyminum)
Turmeric (ground root (mula) of curcuma longa)
Cayenne (ground seeds and pods of capsicum annuum or frutescens)
Corriander seed (coriandrum cativum)
Cardamom (pods and seeds)(cardamomum amomum or elettaria)
Black Pepper (Piper Nigrum) (Berries, corns)
With a picture of a cauldron, a little man on a rapid descent into the cauldron, and the words:

"(Serves One) right well."

Amounts are given.

... where'e
sinks
down
til'e
'its the
patta-mula
(the
root
of
the bowl
hits
bottom)
a trip
taking
60-
thousand
years.

Then
he
rises
up
with
the
scum
taking
60,000
years.

And then
for
60,000 years
the guards
stir
him
in the eastern
way.

And then
for
60,000
years
the guards
stir him
in the western
direction.

And then
for 60thou/annum
the guards
stir
him
in the
northern
manner.

And then
for 60,000 years
the guards
stir'mup
good
inni ol'fashon
suth'n
style.

And then
the guards
haul him
out
withey
gaff.

Hay man!
Waz appa'n Bro?
Ma man!
¿Que Passo?
Hey Guy!
How ya do'n?
Long time no see.
What rock ya been hide'n under?
Howz evera thin?
They taken
good care
a ya
down
there?

Or, as the
gods put it:
"Ehi bhikkhu!
come good sir
at last good sir
you take this
opportunity,
that is to say,
of visiting
here!"

And then
they set
that beggar
up

on dry land
and after the
exchange of
polite talk
compliments
and
courtesies

They ask:
"Is there
anything we
can do for
you?
Maybe something
you
want?"

And that beggar sez:

"Yeah man,
I sure
could use
a
drink!"

So then them
guards
pry open
that beggar's
mouth
with
a
jack,

fix pegs
on his
teeth
to keep his
jaws
open
jam
a
funnel
down
his
throat
and pour in
molten
copper ...
much as any
beggar'd
wish.

And that molten copper
pas pas him lip
pas tongue
pas throat
passum ol'addamappa
downiesophagus
pass pancreas
into the belly
and out again
through the intestines
and out
the anus
drag'n
pleny'nuf
with a
meanwhile ...
burning
blazing
in flames.

And at that
he experiences
painful
sensations.
(Hooee! Man that was some curry!)

Intensely
painful
sensations.

Acutely
intense
painful
sensations.

And then
they
say:

"But he
has not
served his time
until
his evil
downbound
way
is done."

O O O
The horrors
and woes
of dukkha
they gotta
inniniraya

And then
the
guards
of
Niraya
hell
take
that
beggar
and
toss
him
into
red hot
boiling
iron
cauldron
#2

60,000 down
60,000 up with the scum
60 M East
60 M West
60 M North
60 M South.

And you know?
When they haul
him out
he sez:
Ya mon
I cu
usa
bita
e.

Silver
balls
warmed up
real good
pleny'nuf
satisfacmactory
mastication
factory.

And then ...
... cooking times as before;
slake the tanha with
molten gold.

Then they toss him
into silver
cauldron
#1
and slake his
thirst
with
molten
copper.

... silver
cauldron # 2 ...
... molten silver ...
... silver # 3 ...
... molten
gold ...
... golden cauldron #1
... molten copper ...
... gold #2 ...
... silver ...
... gold # 3 ...
... gold ...

Well
there comes a time,
after a
long long time,
but
sooner
or
later,
when
that
beggar
sorta
catches
on.

So when
the guards
haul him out
set him up
and ask him:
"Is there anything
you want?"

He lies,

and sez:
"No man
I don't
want
any
thing,
nada,
no
sir
e
bob
nuthin
attatititaw."

So then
the
guards
of
Niraya
hell
say:

"Well then,
ma man,
ya 'peer
t'av don
ya time
in the
boiling
iron
cauldron
hells."

Tita peer
thatcha
ready
for
placement ...